It was the summer of 2002 and I was taking a walk down the road. It was for the first time in my life that I was living all by myself in Mumbai. I usually used to walk down Kemps Corner every Sunday. One such Sunday when I was walking down Kemps Corner I saw this most good looking, attractive, amazingly hot… dress. Yes! It was a dress. It was like love at first sight. I knew I have to buy it. I could not sleep that night. I had to get that outfit in my hands. I didn’t have enough money so I decided to take a little bit of the emergency money from the account. I mean in a way it’s an emergency. Also I will replace the money with my monthly pocket money and nobody will know. Easy Pissey. Oh! It’s this gorgeous outfit. And such outfits are not just outfits, they are investments. So the next day I went in and bought the outfit. I felt great.
Three months later I got a call from my dad. “How come you have spent 20,000 bucks? What have you been doing?” Well actually I never got around returning the money. I actually fell in love quite a few times. I kept buying stuff. I call this phase the “lonely” phase. So whenever, I would feel little lonely, I would just rush and buy some clothes. It used to give me some sort of a high! I felt guilty after the act but I had no control.
Forward 4 years to 2006. By now I had matured. I didn’t buy clothes. I bought useful things just like a matured woman. So one fine l day I went to Sainsbury’s- a store to buy some milk and oh!! I think I need some eggs. One should always have eggs-eggs are wholesome nutrition. But who eats eggs by themselves; you need some bread to go with that too. And maybe some jam, butter. I should probably get the family cornflakes pack as well!!! You see all these stuff were rotting in my fridge and I mean literally! This phase of my life called “stress”. Whenever, I would be bogged down by assignments, deadlines, and submissions etc… so what would I do? I would do some grocery shopping.
This was not it. I had gone through many more phases like depression, lack of control etc. And for all these phases, I took solace in shopping!!
For most of the men reading this blog, I am just another woman. I also thought so till one day when I read a book called “Confessions of a Shopaholic”. After I finished reading the book, I got very scared. No it was not a scary book. It’s just that I was like the lead character of the book! That’s when I realized that I am a shopaholic!!
Shopaholic is clinically referred to as Oniomania. Oniomania is the technical term for the compulsive desire to shop, more commonly referred to as compulsive shopping, compulsive buying, shopping addiction or shopaholism. The addicted person gets into a vicious circle that consists of negative emotions like anger and stress, which lead to purchasing something. After the buying is over, the person is either regretful or depressed. In order to cope with the feelings, the addicted person resorts to another purchase.
For me, there was one thing that was common in all my phases-after spending loads of money I would feel exceptionally guilty. So what would I do? Well for the next two-three days I would be careful but soon after I will spend it all over again. So it became like a vicious cycle.
There are several causes cited to shopaholic behaviour. But in a nutshell it is an attempt to fill in a void. It is similar to any other addiction-smoking, drinking comfort eating and or substance abuse. It is found among people who suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness.
It was not easy for me to come to terms with it and to become frugal. So I started playing tricks with myself.
- I got myself a Recurring Deposit which would take away as much money from my account as a person with my kind of salary should save.
- Never Use credit cards. Use only debit card
- Keep an account of your expense-it will help you know where your money is actually going
- Take someone with you for shopping- you can discuss with that person whether you need to buy that stuff at all
- Fill in the void- join an NGO, social club, sports etc
It’s not that I never go on shopping spree but the difference is I have limited my own chances of shopping!
Many people ask me “don’t you ever get tired of shopping?” to which I always say “of course I do. That’s when I sit down and try new shoes!” 
wow Aditi, this is a great article, so many of us can relate to this 'vicious cyle of spending & feeling guilty'. Your point no. 5 is the best remedy to this issue - some other activity- sports,dance, music, which unfortunately most of us do not do..(excuse being our hectic work lives)..ahhh
ReplyDeleteyou write very well..keep sharing :)
cheers, manaswita
thanks Manaswita for your lovely comment! very encouraging!
DeleteI can say that u r not alone.I have been doing the same for a long time now only in my case my purchases are my books.I realized i was doing this n had to control myself.Its a kind of love affair i have with my books it is the same kind of thing when you bring an injured animal to ur home n take care of him/her n come to love them. its not the animal who needs u more than you need him/her.It is that connection we are trying to compensate for i guess which we are not able to get from other people.I have read about book collectors who collect rare books n there are all sorts of them.Many collect for different reasons like investment or for display them to their visitors.But i neither do it for any of those reasons,i love my books n jealously guard them,take care of them.It is my connection to them,they r my memories of each n every phase of my life,they r my investments.When i saw ur blog i didn't know what to expect n as u must have realized i have a lot of reading to do but i am glad i read ur blog.I got an opportunity to share my views on something that we have mutually experienced.Hope to read more keep writing......:-)
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