Communication Gaffes

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

 [Source: http://www.best-funny-jokes.com/divorce-jokes-210]

The story above might be a slight exaggeration but it is not completely off. Today we have got plenty of means of communication, but what is really happening around us is a lot of “communication gap”.

There are various reasons for communication gaps.

Cultural difference for example is a big contributor. One day I was suppose to join in a call with the China team but I was running late. So the Chinese team asks my colleague in India “where is the call girl?”

Yes I am getting quite the reputation

But I am not the only victim of cultural faux pas. Multinationals have not been sparred either. When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant." Yeah! Strange it didn’t take off very well. I would have gone for that!!

Forget communication between different cultures, communication in the same cultures is no exceptions. My dad moved back to Lagos in my 12th grade and because it’s an important academic year, my mum stayed back with me. I got a new French tutor and after a week or two, he asked me when does your dad come back from work? “He doesn’t stay with us” I said. “Oh! I’m sorry” said the tutor. It took me a minute to realize that he thought my parents were separated. Gosh!!

You would think Written communication would be easy especially thanks to Microsoft word but you are mistaken. When I just joined market research I was asked to write a recruitment questionnaire. We would interview only women with kids and if a woman did not have children we will terminate the interview.

To make sure that the interviewer doesn’t overlook and interview the wrong target audience, I drafted the questionnaire with special instruction in bold – if the consumer does not have children, terminate the respondent. Thankfully the interviewers ignored my instruction and did not go around killing people.

Yes I know what you are thinking. It’s best not to talk or write. Let’s just use sign language. But my dear friends there are no mercy in this world. At a restaurant in Brazil, a Brazilian family was sitting next to me. They had a small adorable baby boy with them. I looked at the baby and showed the ring sign pointing at the baby. To my surprise, the family looked extremely angry and they gave me a very dirty look. Later on when I narrated this incident to my Brazilian colleague, she laughed and told me that the sign means “gay” in Brazil. Who would have thought!

By now you probably have guessed that when it comes to communicating I have made a lot of blunders and I can now appreciate what George Bernard Shaw said once – “the single most problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”.  However, I think these blunders are a wonderful way to immortalize yourself through all the future jokes that will be made at your expense.